A New Chapter

 Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forward.  ~ Kirkegaard 

Another birthday ― time for reflection!  

We all go through life stages, generally determined by our living situation during each period.  

HOME BASE ― These were my growing-up years in the security of my parents’ home.  A formative but relatively carefree childhood―although you probably couldn’t have convinced me of that toward the end of that time.  I had the typical roller coaster of emotions and high drama of a teenage girl experiencing 'best' friends and 'first' love.

HIGHER EDUCATION ― Though a very short period, college played a huge role in my development.  Attending a women's college for the first two years helped me shed many of the self-conscious filters many young girls unknowingly adopt when they're in co-ed classrooms.  During this period, I may have had my first original thoughts.

REAL LIFE ― I jumped in head-first, without enough maturity, experience or consciousness.  If I only knew then what I know now...  I made some bad decisions, corrected some, and lived with others.  Not always my proudest moments, but it all helped get me to where I am today.

MAKING A HOME ― These were my years of motherhood and greatest fulfillment.  In hindsight, I realize I wasn't 'in the moment' as much as I should have been—creating a life more than living it.  I fumbled as I went along, scrambled to keep up and learned lessons too late.  I wish I'd done better, but I cherish every minute. 

ON MY OWN ― A significant chapter for me.  Unfortunately, I'd left behind any aspirations and inspiration I'd had in college for independence and growth.  But with time, I embraced the freedom and relished it.  I got my bearings, took control, initiated my dreams and created a new life for myself.  In the process, I did some serious soul-searching and learned a lot about myself and what I'm capable of.

BECOMING MYSELF ― And here I am.  So why a new chapter?

 

The past couple years,  I’ve noticed a subtle but meaningful shift in my perspective.  I've noticed an increase in self-awareness, my values are in sharper focus, and I have a sense of having 'arrived' somewhere.  It may be the acknowledgment and acceptance of aging, but I believe it more likely coincides with July 2024, when my dad was no longer an active part of my life.  Recognizing this has helped me define it.  

 

My dad was always there, teaching me and guiding me.  He lived for so long, even into my 70s I relied on him, looking to him for his wisdom and borrowing on his strength.  He was a powerful presence, and in his absence, I’m finally on my own.  With this realization has come more confidence, reliance on myself, and inner-strength.  I may be alone—but with a solid tether—grounded.  

 

As we mature, we become more clearly ourselves.  But for some of us, we don’t become complete adults until our parents are gone.  It took losing my dad for his guidance and strength to become not just an influence, but a part of me.  I guess my sense of  'arrival' is at true adulthood.  Even at 76, we can evolve!        

 

I believe this is my final―hopefully very long―chapter!  I have clarity about where I've been and who I've become.  I'm at peace in knowing I did the best I knew how—at the time.  I’m comfortably settled and my life is satisfying and content.  But I still have a lot to learn and experience!  I welcome the new chapter.

~ NOT the end ~