Privacy, Discretion & Self-Esteem

Most people understand and appreciate the dignity of maintaining some privacy.  They choose to share selectively with trusted individuals, rather than disclosing personal information or intimate thoughts with anyone within earshot.  Secure individuals don’t need others to know all their business or their every thought to feel validated.  They realize there's strength and self-respect in keeping some things to themselves.    

If nothing is off limits, it can feel like closeness, but it can actually be a compulsive need to be acknowledged.  Sharing itself isn't the problem.  The problem lies in the indiscriminateness of what gets shared and with whom, and if there’s underlying insecurity motivating the over-sharing.  And if no boundaries and emotional constraints are set, there’s the added risk that one might carelessly expose other people’s private details they’ve been entrusted with. 

What emotionally secure individuals keep to themselves tends to fall into a few specific categories. 

INCOME & WHAT THEY PAY FOR THINGS ― People who don't need the numbers to say something about them, don't feel the need to put them out there.  They know numbers invite comparison, and comparison rearranges the room.  

WINS & GOOD DEEDS ― When your sense of worth is stable, you don't need to be recognized or acknowledged.  The success or kindness done doesn't need a press release.  You already know who you are, and the not-telling is part of how you know. 

DECISIONS & GOALS ― Secure folks sit alone with dilemmas and set goals privately.  When they finally say something, they’ve accomplished their goal or their mind is made up.  They don’t need external approval or a consensus.  They know they are responsible and they trust their own judgment.  

RELATIONSHIP ISSUES ― Secure people keep their own counsel and handle personal situations and emotions without the need for outside input.  Part of keeping these things private is loyalty to the person they're in the relationship with.  Everyone else gets the headline, not the full transcript.

LIFE STORIES ― Emotionally secure individuals don’t feel compelled to tell their history to everyone.  They take pride in knowing that who they are today is the sum-total of where they've been, their accomplishments, what they've gone through.  Their past does not have power over them and does not define them.  

The bottom line: If you're down-to-earth and sincere, people know you or can tell by your behavior who and what kind of person you are.  If you need to remind them how much you make, how much you've accomplished, how smart you are, how successful your children are―it's actually you who you're trying to convince and whose approval you're seeking. 

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The themes I write about are all interconnected―and not by coincidence.  Emotionally secure people and those who enjoy solitude have the shared traits of autonomy, self-assurance and self-reliance.  All attributes I admire and aspire to.