Looking Back
It's been almost a year since I moved to the Portland area. I said before, "I haven't looked back." True and not true. What I meant was--I've had no regrets on making the move and lifestyle change. But of course I look back.
Everyone has friends from different phases of life. There are childhood through high school friends, where your shared background unites you. Many people remain close for life, especially if they don't move far from where they grew up. I however, didn't stay close with friends from my youth. I'd been geographically confined (an island), and felt cubby-holed for those first 18 years of my life--or at least the last 8. So when I moved away for college, I spread my wings, and took the opportunity to reinvented (a cliche, I know) my persona, and change my perception of myself. In the process, I carelessly let go of all friendships (save one) and even memories from my past.
Living communally, in college or the military, can create extremely strong bonds. Those situations can be packed with emotions and vulnerabilities and come at a defining time in life. If you're lucky, you meet the right person or people (and sometimes even a future spouse) with whom you'll have an enduring friendship for the rest of your life. I have one of those friends. We can't really explain it, we're quite different, we've never lived near each other, but we feel like sisters and our children consider each other cousins.
Which brings me to the years I lived in the Bay Area--making many acquaintances and a few good friends. Most of the lasting friendships came from two facets of my life--my husband's job, and my daughter's childhood--with a few great neighbors and others along the way. I spent many years involved with people at varying levels of my husband's company. Upon his retirement and then our divorce, I stayed friends with the few I enjoyed the most. We still gossip and reminisce about that past life, but we also enjoy our present time together. I value these friendships.
Many parents will tell you that you'll almost never have as much in common as you do with parents of your children's friends. Raising kids can be an insecure experience at times--and only other parents can relate. Sharing and learning together forms a camaraderie and mutual support. And if you're lucky like I was, even though your kids end up in different schools and activities, you stay close to the parents who went through it all with you, and who became good friends along the way.
A long story to get to my point! I look back with amazement that I left the familiarity of all those friendships. But with effort and technology, we won't lose the common memories and years of experiences. I have a "bank" full of friends-with-history, and now it's time to make new friends and discover new things in common. I've found Portlanders to be very welcoming. My rental neighborhood is extremely friendly and social--and dog-walking is always a good conversation starter. And my future neighbors are already comfortable friends. They're quite social, keep in close contact and look out for each other. And through my realtor-turned-friend, Suzanne, I've met another group of potential friends who know how to have a good time.
I also had a couple different friendships that I miss. When you live one place long enough--and you're quite particular and very lucky--you get your resources honed to perfection. I had good sources for everything. And I had people I depended on--and already miss. Kevin, my painter/reluctant handyman was a godsend! He is fast, neat and clean, has excellent color sense and judgment, and can do almost anything. I relied on him, and enjoyed his company for almost 30 years. Martin, my gardener, is knowledgeable and skilled, with a good eye for the aesthetic, and a very kind man. The quality they have in common that I so appreciated--is patience--with me!
So, yes I look back--with fond memories and a warm heart.
Everyone has friends from different phases of life. There are childhood through high school friends, where your shared background unites you. Many people remain close for life, especially if they don't move far from where they grew up. I however, didn't stay close with friends from my youth. I'd been geographically confined (an island), and felt cubby-holed for those first 18 years of my life--or at least the last 8. So when I moved away for college, I spread my wings, and took the opportunity to reinvented (a cliche, I know) my persona, and change my perception of myself. In the process, I carelessly let go of all friendships (save one) and even memories from my past.
Living communally, in college or the military, can create extremely strong bonds. Those situations can be packed with emotions and vulnerabilities and come at a defining time in life. If you're lucky, you meet the right person or people (and sometimes even a future spouse) with whom you'll have an enduring friendship for the rest of your life. I have one of those friends. We can't really explain it, we're quite different, we've never lived near each other, but we feel like sisters and our children consider each other cousins.
Which brings me to the years I lived in the Bay Area--making many acquaintances and a few good friends. Most of the lasting friendships came from two facets of my life--my husband's job, and my daughter's childhood--with a few great neighbors and others along the way. I spent many years involved with people at varying levels of my husband's company. Upon his retirement and then our divorce, I stayed friends with the few I enjoyed the most. We still gossip and reminisce about that past life, but we also enjoy our present time together. I value these friendships.
Many parents will tell you that you'll almost never have as much in common as you do with parents of your children's friends. Raising kids can be an insecure experience at times--and only other parents can relate. Sharing and learning together forms a camaraderie and mutual support. And if you're lucky like I was, even though your kids end up in different schools and activities, you stay close to the parents who went through it all with you, and who became good friends along the way.
A long story to get to my point! I look back with amazement that I left the familiarity of all those friendships. But with effort and technology, we won't lose the common memories and years of experiences. I have a "bank" full of friends-with-history, and now it's time to make new friends and discover new things in common. I've found Portlanders to be very welcoming. My rental neighborhood is extremely friendly and social--and dog-walking is always a good conversation starter. And my future neighbors are already comfortable friends. They're quite social, keep in close contact and look out for each other. And through my realtor-turned-friend, Suzanne, I've met another group of potential friends who know how to have a good time.
I also had a couple different friendships that I miss. When you live one place long enough--and you're quite particular and very lucky--you get your resources honed to perfection. I had good sources for everything. And I had people I depended on--and already miss. Kevin, my painter/reluctant handyman was a godsend! He is fast, neat and clean, has excellent color sense and judgment, and can do almost anything. I relied on him, and enjoyed his company for almost 30 years. Martin, my gardener, is knowledgeable and skilled, with a good eye for the aesthetic, and a very kind man. The quality they have in common that I so appreciated--is patience--with me!
So, yes I look back--with fond memories and a warm heart.
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