NEW YEARS 2023 - Life Continues to be Good

They say that bad things come in threes.  We look for patterns in randomness as a way to find order in disorder.  Another human tendency is to select information that confirms our beliefs, and overlook what doesn't.  Both of these come into play when we want to put to rest our fears of more to come--once tragedy, disaster or bad luck have tallied to three.  I know it's simply superstition and wishful thinking.  But having said that, I can't help but realize I've had three significant deaths touch my life in a little over a year.  

The first was technically in 2021.  My oldest friend--from age 5--departed this life in a relatively sudden and shocking way.  It was jolting--a real mortality check for me.  I'd never had a friend die prematurely--and it was too close to home.  It's made me face the fragility of life that I mostly ignore.  When my friend got diagnosed, we cried and it couldn't help but come up, "Why [did this have to happen to] her?"  I'll never forget her sage response, "Why not me?"

In May my mom died.  She'd had a couple years of needing home care, but she basically died of living a full life to age 97.  Unfortunately, the last couple years of her not being herself, put those memories in the forefront of my mind.  But I'm slowly getting little glimpses of the mom I remember and could spend endless hours talking with.  She and I had different taste and style, but we had a few interests in common that we thoroughly enjoyed sharing.  I miss being able to call her about anything--nothing was too self-centered or insignificant.  I'm also sorry she never got to see my labor of love, my completed house--we'd spent so many hours discussing it.  But I'm mostly sad for my dad's loss.  They were married 72 years--I can't fathom the empty space that must leave in your heart.  But always positive, he's finding his way to cope.  Losing my mom was huge, but I appreciate how long I had her in my life.  I remember as a child asking her, "What would Daddy do if something happened to you?"  Her answer, "Well, I hope he'd get remarried--that would mean he'd been happy being married to me."

Lastly, my ex-husband passed away last summer.  He'd had on-going heart problems for years.  I am mostly sorry for Jaime--losing her father is tough.  He'd moved away and they hadn't seen each other as much as they could have over the years if he'd stayed closer.  But she'd been there to celebrate his 90th birthday and they spoke often.  He and I were on pleasant-enough terms, but had little reason to keep in touch once Jaime was grown.  For me, his death is the final closing of a significant chapter in my life.  Being married to him gave me my only child, some unique life experiences, and a lifestyle I'm forever grateful for.

We spend so much of our lives not contemplating old age because it's always in the distant future.  Only to find suddenly, that distant future crept up on us.  I think around 68 I realized there was an actual number of years I might have left.  Until then it was a vague amount of time--not a specific number of years!  Losing people makes one realize we all have our allotted time, and the longer we live, the closer the door gets.  It isn't frightening, just an unsettling, undeniable truth.

I didn't mean for this to be morbid.  Losing people is part of life; it just hasn't been a big part of mine until recently.  (And I don't believe in the theory of threes!)  If anything, it makes me realize how fortunate I am to have my family and friends and theirs and my health.  I appreciate my life all the more and want to make the most of it!  So onward to 2023!  May it renew our spirits, be full of hope and possibilities, and bring us simple joys!  (...and get me back to blogging!)