Life is too short...for Regret

If only... 

Regrets can run deep, sometimes for years.  One second can stay with us for the rest of our lives.  You can have regret for something you did or something you didn't do, but wish you had.  Research has found that the most common regrets relate to education, career, romance, parenting and self-improvement.  These are the areas where people see their biggest opportunities or prospects for change.  

If I knew then what I know now.  

Regrets tend to be related to who we are and what's most important to us.  We develop our core values as we mature, and often our regrets are for a younger, less mature time in our lives.  We now know what we believe in and care about.  But the thing is--this is it--we don't get a redo in life.  

Hindsight is 20/20.

Regret can be large or small, persistent or fleeting.  Having regrets is not inherently bad, and since our minds are constantly churning, regret is somewhat unavoidable.  If you did or said something you're sorry for, the memory is there.  If you didn't do or say something you should have, the result is there.  There's nothing unusual about wishing things had turned out differently.  Regrets are only problematic if we replay the mistakes on a loop in our minds and they consume our thoughts.  Dwelling on anything keeps us locked in our heads, spinning our wheels, which can lead to self-reproach and deeper psychological issues.  

We're only human.

The secret is not to let regrets overwhelm us.  Don't let regret for the past overshadow the present.  Our rational mind tells us we can't change the past.  We need to be realistic about our expectations of our past selves and let go of what we can't fix.  If we can compartmentalize the regret and what we wish we'd actually done, we may be able to get clarity about our limitations, and we may even find that something good came from the experience--if only that we learned a lesson.  It doesn't mean we forget what we did or that it was somehow okay.  We just need to muster the self-compassion to forgive ourselves.  Then we can move toward acceptance, be at peace with our regrets, and steer ourselves to do better in the future.    

There's a reason your windshield is larger than your rearview mirror.