A Life Well Lived

My dad at 100 was just as alert, smart, funny and cheerful as he ever was.  Everyone always told me how lucky I was to have him in my life for so long.  My reply was always an enthusiastic "I know!", followed by, "And he's sharp as a tack--because you know, living to 100 isn't worth anything if your mind isn't intact, if you've lost yourself to dementia, or you don't have a good quality of life."  I am forever grateful for his (and my) good fortune. 

When your parent reaches 100, you know 'it' is coming, sooner than later.  I told myself this over and over, but I had a hard time believing it would ever happen to my dad, since he never seemed to change.  What was going to take him?

Then a couple weeks ago, I got a call--texted from him--that he'd gone into the hospital.  He had abdominal discomfort, they'd taken care of it, he felt fine.  He assured me that it wasn't serious--they were just keeping him overnight.  But I warned myself and Jaime that this is how it often happens; when you go into the hospital at 100 years old, it doesn't always go well.  That evening I got another call--from the caregiver--he'd eaten ice cream, was sitting up watching tv and talking, then he closed his eyes.

That was it.  It all happened within twelve hours (even the nurses couldn't believe it).  It couldn't have been more painless and peaceful.  Several people who know my dad pretty well agree with me that he was in control up to the last minute.  He probably thought, "Well here I am in the hospital (they'd just told him they'd found a blood infection), I don't want to spend days here being treated and probably go down hill.  And if I go home and end up dying there it will just be a bigger hassle for everyone.  I hit my goal of 100; I've had a great life; and Billie will understand."  And I do.

Here are some highlights of his life:

• He and my mom were married 72 years--they traveled, collected art, skied and played tennis, and loved entertaining
• He lived at the same address for 68 years (built a new house on the same lot 20 years ago) 
• He established and sold two businesses, retiring at 96
• He was a kind and thoughtful friend and impacted many people’s lives 
• He mentored several young people, inspiring and leading by example 
• He was extremely generous to those who worked hard and to many institutions
• He was a self-motivated student of history, science and French 
• He used his computer extensively (an avid Amazon shopper) and got a smart phone at 95
• He believed in working hard and playing hard
• He had a quick wit and great sense of humor

As my father, he guided me throughout my life, with wisdom and solid values.  Since my mom's death, he and I became much closer and our relationship changed--more than father and daughter--but also friends.  He instilled several things in me that I will always appreciate--a love of art, respect for others, unwavering optimism, and the strength to get through this most difficult time in my life.

He lived a remarkable, long and happy life, and died with the dignity he deserved.  How could I hope for more.  His death isn't a tragedy, just a huge loss for those of us left behind.  I adored him.