Family Culture

Culture usually refers to the customs, traditions, values, attitudes, behaviors, and practices that a particular group of people have in common.  Family culture is the unique set of customs, traditions, values, attitudes, behaviors, and practices shared among family members. 

Every family has a family culture, created purposefully or not.  It's the foundation upon which families build their relationships, assimilate their moral code, share spaces, and interact with the world around them.  As family members, the adults demonstrate and the children learn how to behave, how to express themselves and their emotions, how to make decisions and resolve conflicts, and how to establish relationships.  

A more abstract description of family culture is a collective family identity or a family personality.  I've coined it the DNAC--Distinct Nature and Character of a family.  Does the home have a serious or lighthearted atmosphere, or somewhere in between?  Is there an ease in the interactions, indifference, or tension?  Dinner table discussions are a good indication—are they thoughtful, inquisitive or informative; full of teasing, joking, and laughter; or are they stilted, subdued or even combative?  Is there an overall feeling in the home of harmony, closeness, affection, and friendliness?  Or is the climate of the household more of discord, division, coolness, and wariness?

❖ FAMILY is the heartbeat of a home  ❖

The fundamental aspect of family culture is the defined and assumed Roles and Responsibilities.  If healthy, the relations between family members, and expectations regarding responsibilities, is understood, respected and embraced.  This creates a safe and reassuring space for everyone.  And the goal of creating a positive family culture is to ensure everyone feels secure.

 

Shared Values and Beliefs are integral to family culture.  They represent the goals and rules of behavior the family lives by.  These might include: respect, integrity, responsibility, kindness, courtesy, patience, open-mindedness, gratitude, generosity, individuality, optimism, creativity, and education.  Our attitudes, habits, and choices all reflect our core values and beliefs about what is true.  

  

Establishing Traditions and Rituals specific to your family and values is the active and tangible way family culture is created and passed from generation to generation.  Traditions can be based on celebrations and holidays or embracing the seasons.  They can come to be by recreating a good memory, or they can just be time set aside.  But they require being there and investing in the people in our lives.  The customs of the family--which might be as simple as regular family dinners, reading bedtime stories, or annual vacations—should foster a sense belonging. 

Family culture is most apparent through Communication Style, the interaction between family members, and the overall temperament of the home.  Acknowledging each family member’s freedom to express themselves and to be listened to, being conscious of speaking tone, the use of humor, and methods of conflict resolution are all significant.  Even greetings—as simple as whether  ‘Good morning’ and ‘Good night’ are said to each other—can make a difference in the atmosphere of a home.  Regular connection and encouraging open communication are key to a positive family culture.

❖ HOME is where life takes place ❖  

A house is a structure you inhabit; a home is the way you live and feel in a house.  It becomes a home when you insinuate yourself into it, allow it to be thoroughly lived in, and let it evolve with the passage of time and the passage of your lives.  A home should be comfortable, livable and envelop your family.  It’s a place to relax and be oneself, with common spaces for deep connections while also providing solitary spaces for quiet time alone.  It’s a place for savoring life’s joys and navigating the waves together.    

A home should feel welcoming--people should feel 'at home'.   It's a space for gathering.  Filling your home with friends and extended family adds another dimension of warmth to your home.  In doing this you create an environment for sharing, camaraderie, and building community.

Family Culture is discernible as the mood of a home, the emotional tone in a home.  It's the family rhythm.  It’s expressed in the ease and flow of the comings and goings in the home.  It’s communicated in the casual dialog and meaningful conversations between family members.  It’s demonstrated in hospitality shown as a family.  It’s about a companionable environment, and the mutual comfort and enjoyment of your home.          

                                                                                    ❖   

Family culture is the spirit and soul of the family and home as a whole.  It will reveal itself on its own, based on the parents’ backgrounds, lifestyle, and the connection and attitude they have toward each other.  There are endless variations of family culture, and it can shift over time.  If you want to encourage a rich, positive and more deliberate family culture, it takes intention.  The foundation is love and mutual respect.  You share your history and create meaningful memories to pass on.  All this with emphasis on spending time together as a family.  

These efforts will develop character and influence the formation of self-esteem and self-confidence.   They will cultivate in children an understanding of who they are as individuals, their place in society, and a sense of purpose and well-being. The strong connections, and feeling of belonging provide security and a safe harbor in an ever-changing world.  

A healthy and supportive family culture gives children roots and wings.  It’s what brings them home after they leave the nest and it’s what gives them the confidence to leave it in the first place.  It’s what leads to generations coming together around the same family table and building more memories. And it’s a legacy.  It shapes the family culture your children one day create in their own homes with their own families.

~ THE END ~